Strange But True Retail Stories

I was reviewing a few blogs for Humor-Blogs.com and ran across this very strange but interesting blog that is obviously run by a few very disturbed Retail Sluts, as they affectionately call themselves. (WARNING!!! this is a very explicit site and if you do not like the "F" word, then just take my word for this as it is very crude humor.)

The premise of the blog is to rant about being in the retail business and all the hell they put up with. Having been in the retail business in some form or another for the last 25 years, I can certainly attest to some of the things I read on the blog but it has it's good moments too. (OK, so maybe it is as bad as they say but there have been a few good times over the years.)

I remember when I first started retail sales when Wife #1 and I were still newlyweds. I was a salesman for Baker Shoes in Chattanooga, Tn. On the first day I worked, the manager who had been training me suddenly decided to go buy a cup of coffee. As he walked out the front gate, a woman came into the store. This was going to be my first customer all by myself and I was pumped.

As the woman entered into the store, I realized as I approached her that she was extremely unattractive. As I got closer, I realized that she had a full mustache....SHE was a HE!

Here I was on my first day, and the manager left hurriedly because he hated waiting on the trannies. I, as the new man got to break in with a 6'2" black man with a skirt that was turned about 45 degrees off center that wanted to try on a pair of pumps in a size 12. In those days, shoe salesmen actually sat down and placed the shoes on your feet!

I admit it was hard but I made it through the trying on of shoes and while the man was looking at them in the mirror, I found a purse that matched the shoes and handed it to him. He loved it! "I'll take them both, Honey." He said in his best female voice which sounded strangely like Harvey Fierstein.

At the counter, I deftly swept up a pair of hosiery with rhinestones on the ankle. "They are only 3/$10." I said. He added them on. As I rang them up, I couldn't resist placing a bow on the shoes. "Oh that is just lovely." He said, adoringly. "Throw them in, and you better stop showing me stuff unless you plan on keeping me up, darlin'"

I wrapped the sale up, totaling $65 in 1983 dollars--that would be about$120 now. As the man walked out of the store with his purchase the manager walked back in looking rather strangely and began scratching his head.

"You mean that..that...THING actually bought something?"
"Sure." I said. As a matter of fact, I just hit a 'Home Run'." Meaning that I had sold something from all four categories. "$65 was the total." I said smugly.

"He/she/whatever you call it has never tried on a pair of shoes before. He usually just looks."

"Has anyone ever asked him to try on shoes before?" I asked.

"Hell no! I ain't putting no shoes on a Man!"

Well there ya go. I found out that if I took all the trannies and gays that walked into my store. For one thing, they know exactly what size shoe they wear and will never try and cram their foot into a shoe three sizes too small. Not so with women.

Second, if they know you are interested in the sale, they will be open to any reasonable purchase.

I have been asked by people if any ever came on to me. Truthfully, I never had one gay man come on to me in three years in the shoe business. Women, on the other hand, had a thing about shoe salesmen I guess.

I have long since left the shoe business for greener pastures. I joined the fast food industry in 1986 and have been there ever since. Now you want to hear a few crazy stories? There is a veritable cornucopia of funny stories there. Maybe I'll tell a few in the future.