My wife and I went shopping at Wally-World today. For the uninitiated, that's Wal-Mart. This is the time of year I hate to even drive through their parking lot. I almost called this post "Tis the Season..." because as I was walking through the store, minding my own business and looking at the vast array of people that were braving this jungle ten days before Christmas, a thought dawned on me.
Christmas is the season where people celebrate receiving massive gifts that cost way too much money and will be used three times before they get broken (sure, Christians also celebrate the birth of Christ, but let's face it--that is no longer the real meaning of the season. The real meaning is crass selfishness and narcissism. "What about ME?"). It is the time of year that most people are happy and joyous. Hence the words to the song "Tis the season to be jolly"--unless of course you happen to be at Wally-World. Then it is every man for himself.
People will see you looking at an item on a shelf and walk right in front of you and never excuse themself. One woman actually reached right in front of me and picked up the item I was looking at, leaving me with one left on the shelf that was broken. Merry Christmas.
As we proceeded through the aisles, we were bumped into, rubbed up against, had our cart chrashed into, and that was just in the checkout line. The closer we get to Christmas, the less jolly I become and the more rude people are. I honestly don't know how Santa remained so jolly all these years. If he didn't have all those elves making his toys and he had to shop at Wally-World, he might not have been so nice.
The worst treatment I have ever had is when I had to take something back and I dared to forget the receipt. You would have thought I had stolen the item and had been caught on tape trying to bring it back for a refund. That is the way they treat you now days. I kept waiting for them to strip search me spread-eagled across the customer service counter.
I remember the old days when all you had to was bring an item back and there were no questions asked. They just refunded your money and you were on your way. Then they started only refunding if you had a receipt. Then a few years later they only refunded with a receipt within 30 days. Now they only refund if you have a receipt and never left the store. It should not be so hard to bring back a pair of underwear that only lasted three months. Stuff just doesn't last like it used to.
When we got ready to leave there were of course only 7 cashiers for 32 checkout lanes and every one of them were lined all the way back to the electronics department. We decided to go through the self checkout aisle.
I hate the self checkout aisle because every item you scan, you are prompted to place the item in the bag, which would not be so bad except that I had already put it there! You can not scan the next item if the scale does not sense that you placed the item in the bag. It does give you the choice to press "skip bagging" for those lightweight items but there is a limit of 5 skips before it locks up and tells you to ask the cashier for assistance (which would be ok if she was anywhere to be found). This, in and of itself is not so bad but once when I found a deal on Jello, I had to call her over ten times.
Today we were fortunate to have an actual cashier working our lane. When she came up to turn her key and enter the secret code for the third time she smiled and had the prettiest gums I have ever seen. No teeth, just gums. I kid you not. I could not help but stare even though I knew it was wrong.
It reminded me of a time when I was a District Manager for my company and I had an interview with a man for a management position in my area. When it came time for my interview, the man came in and sat down across from me. I swear to you the man had ONE (1) count it, ONE tooth in his mouth! It was bottom center. There was not another tooth and the gums weren't looking so hot either.
I am not one to judge, but being as I was the DM for a fast food restaurant, looking for a manager that would be on the front counter selling food to people that were hungry, I doubted that this interview would result in gainful employment for the man.
As I asked the routine questions, my eye was drawn to the tooth. As he spoke, the tooth moved! First forward, then backward. It was a precarious situation as I was afraid that the tooth might fall right out and he would start choking and I might have to perform the Heimlich Maneuver or even worse, mouth to mouth resucitation. Funny the things we remember in our lives. My wife says I can't remember what she told me last night but I can sure remember things like that. But I digress....
The girl at the checkout was nice enough but it was not appealing for me as a customer. I am not a fan of socialized medicine as many politicians are currently espousing, but I'd be willing to chip in a few bucks for this otherwise attractive girl to have a full smile again.
As we left the Wal-Mart, I couldn't help but quip to my wife, "I bet I know what her favorite Christmas song is. 'All I want for Christmas is a new set of teeth'."
As I was scanning the internet tonight looking for a picture to go with this post, I came across a website that is "the only place in the world that celebrates the attraction of toothless women" as evidenced by the photo above. I browsed through a few of the pictures and I have to tell you, the woman above is the closest thing to an attractive toothless woman on the site.
Still, I have a feeling the girl at Wally-World might have a shot at being the "cover girl".
Christmas is the season where people celebrate receiving massive gifts that cost way too much money and will be used three times before they get broken (sure, Christians also celebrate the birth of Christ, but let's face it--that is no longer the real meaning of the season. The real meaning is crass selfishness and narcissism. "What about ME?"). It is the time of year that most people are happy and joyous. Hence the words to the song "Tis the season to be jolly"--unless of course you happen to be at Wally-World. Then it is every man for himself.
People will see you looking at an item on a shelf and walk right in front of you and never excuse themself. One woman actually reached right in front of me and picked up the item I was looking at, leaving me with one left on the shelf that was broken. Merry Christmas.
As we proceeded through the aisles, we were bumped into, rubbed up against, had our cart chrashed into, and that was just in the checkout line. The closer we get to Christmas, the less jolly I become and the more rude people are. I honestly don't know how Santa remained so jolly all these years. If he didn't have all those elves making his toys and he had to shop at Wally-World, he might not have been so nice.
The worst treatment I have ever had is when I had to take something back and I dared to forget the receipt. You would have thought I had stolen the item and had been caught on tape trying to bring it back for a refund. That is the way they treat you now days. I kept waiting for them to strip search me spread-eagled across the customer service counter.
I remember the old days when all you had to was bring an item back and there were no questions asked. They just refunded your money and you were on your way. Then they started only refunding if you had a receipt. Then a few years later they only refunded with a receipt within 30 days. Now they only refund if you have a receipt and never left the store. It should not be so hard to bring back a pair of underwear that only lasted three months. Stuff just doesn't last like it used to.
When we got ready to leave there were of course only 7 cashiers for 32 checkout lanes and every one of them were lined all the way back to the electronics department. We decided to go through the self checkout aisle.
I hate the self checkout aisle because every item you scan, you are prompted to place the item in the bag, which would not be so bad except that I had already put it there! You can not scan the next item if the scale does not sense that you placed the item in the bag. It does give you the choice to press "skip bagging" for those lightweight items but there is a limit of 5 skips before it locks up and tells you to ask the cashier for assistance (which would be ok if she was anywhere to be found). This, in and of itself is not so bad but once when I found a deal on Jello, I had to call her over ten times.
Today we were fortunate to have an actual cashier working our lane. When she came up to turn her key and enter the secret code for the third time she smiled and had the prettiest gums I have ever seen. No teeth, just gums. I kid you not. I could not help but stare even though I knew it was wrong.
It reminded me of a time when I was a District Manager for my company and I had an interview with a man for a management position in my area. When it came time for my interview, the man came in and sat down across from me. I swear to you the man had ONE (1) count it, ONE tooth in his mouth! It was bottom center. There was not another tooth and the gums weren't looking so hot either.
I am not one to judge, but being as I was the DM for a fast food restaurant, looking for a manager that would be on the front counter selling food to people that were hungry, I doubted that this interview would result in gainful employment for the man.
As I asked the routine questions, my eye was drawn to the tooth. As he spoke, the tooth moved! First forward, then backward. It was a precarious situation as I was afraid that the tooth might fall right out and he would start choking and I might have to perform the Heimlich Maneuver or even worse, mouth to mouth resucitation. Funny the things we remember in our lives. My wife says I can't remember what she told me last night but I can sure remember things like that. But I digress....
The girl at the checkout was nice enough but it was not appealing for me as a customer. I am not a fan of socialized medicine as many politicians are currently espousing, but I'd be willing to chip in a few bucks for this otherwise attractive girl to have a full smile again.
As we left the Wal-Mart, I couldn't help but quip to my wife, "I bet I know what her favorite Christmas song is. 'All I want for Christmas is a new set of teeth'."
As I was scanning the internet tonight looking for a picture to go with this post, I came across a website that is "the only place in the world that celebrates the attraction of toothless women" as evidenced by the photo above. I browsed through a few of the pictures and I have to tell you, the woman above is the closest thing to an attractive toothless woman on the site.
Still, I have a feeling the girl at Wally-World might have a shot at being the "cover girl".
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